Do stuff that scares you. And do it often.
I do not know where I heard the dictum “do something that scares you every day” first, but not a day passes without me thinking about it. It has often been misattributed to Eleanor Roosevelt while in fact she said something even more meaningful, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face”
I have many fears. I fear picking up the phone –especially when I don’t know who is calling. I fear walking into an event where I know no one. I fear when I organize an event that no one will show up. I fear every international shipment will get damaged/lost. I feared writing a biography that is earnest and left me feeling vulnerable. I fear my client will dislike the commission. I fear putting a huge brush stroke down –so much commitment. I fear I do not have the skill that it takes to do justice to my precious idea. I fear I will waste a big canvas and paints. What counts as “brave” can also differ widely. My sister has a fear of heights and don’t like roller coasters. There is not a roller coaster in the world I will not much rather get on then picking up that darn phone.
Dr. Brené Brown says. “We’re all afraid. We just have to get to the point where we understand it doesn’t mean that we can’t also be brave.” I believe every leap worth taking goes hand in hand with fear. The greater the leap, the greater the fear. In the past I have tried to battle my fear, to overcome it. I thought making my voice loud and confronting it will somehow scare fear, force it to retreat. But I learned that it is a battle I will never win. The next day fear always shows up happily, ready for the next round.
One of the most terrifying things I’ve done was my first New York Art Expo in 2007. Not just the huge financial strain but putting my creations on an international stage for the world to see and judge was playing into all my worst fears. Every morning of the show I walked in there feeling small, my stomach always felt sick. I thought I was an intruder in a world I’m not and possibly never will be worthy off.
Eventually I gave up attempting to conquer fear but gradually I learned to allow myself to feel it. I know without a doubt that my life will certainly never be without it, I simply believe I can make peace with it, perhaps even friends with it, invite fear along for the ride (as Elizabeth Gilbert wrote) and go and do my stuff anyway.
I believe any truly creative life will always go hand in hand with fear. It is right there at the edge of my comfort zone where I know my growth starts. If it is safe and comfortable I know I should get worried. This doesn’t mean it isn’t good or sometimes even necessary to hang around in comfort, like a favorite chair, for a while. Sometimes refining a color palette or technique can have its benefits. But on those occasions when I feel uncertain and scared while working, like I’m balancing on that edge between great success and total disaster, that is where I know I’m on to something. That is where that same fear I am trying to befriend can even serve as indicator of growth. When I feel it’s presence, I know I’m treading uncharted territory and that things will either be wonderful or… I will start over again.
Today, that show that scared me most, I’ve done six times. Every single time I feel equally small and scared. Me and fear, hand in hand. Yesterday I committed on doing my 7th one. Art Expo New York 2021 here I come! It will be the first time I’m exhibiting in the main area (not between the solo artists) and in a much bigger (150 sq ft) space. Me and my buddy fear will be there and I hope to see you too! November 18-21, 2021 @ Pier 90, NYC
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot create
the courage to create the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference